Counting down

The count down to moving day is on! Yesterday we had a radon test set up to be read 48 hours later. My luck we have radon in the house! Ha! Today we had the appraisal and that went fine. Tomorrow is the inspection; hope that goes well and there aren't any hold ups or anything we have to do! I bought $200 worth of boxes today so I've got lots to do before Thursday. PACKING PACKING PACKING! FUN! I am so excited and ready to get this show on the road.

I got to go out to dinner with Brenda and Danielle last night. We had a fabulous time. Bill babysat the kids and it was really nice to have a night out. It was an informal "send off" since we're moving. I'm not saying goodbye to anyone because I feel like I'm always going to come back. My heart is here and will always be here. I fell in love here, got married here, had both my babies here. Kansas City will always hold a special place in my heart.

I met Matt and Cori's newest addition to the Gillispie family yesterday too. The kids and I went and met little Alli Michelle Gillispie at their house. She was 4 days old! You forget how small and adorable babies are when they are that little. She slept the whole time we were there but I'm glad I got to meet her since I won't be able to see anyone for awhile.

That's it from me for now. Busy busy busy around here but so excited. Just praying the inspection goes well tomorrow. That's the only thing that could hold us up but we are offering the buyers a warranty so they shouldn't be too concerned. Praying for a passing grade A inspection. Then all we have to do is wait for closing! Talk soon.

I'm so out of here!

So much has happened since I last wrote. Our finicky buyers ended up calling Joe Tuesday night and said they wanted the house but for the cheaper price we agreed to on Sat. So basically we're paying their downpayment, paying all their closing costs, giving them a home warranty and the price is well below appraisal and market value. They are getting a STEAL. And we just put a new roof on the house on Wednesday. They came over Thursday evening to sign the contracts. So we are officially "under contract." We are set to close on August 15th. They have their inspection on Wednesday.

We got the duplex we applied for too! We move in next weekend, Aug.1st. I think it will work out nicely. It's a four bedroom, 3 full bath duplex that was built in 2005 so it's fairly new. We'll be saving about $300 a month just on rent so that should be nice. I'm really excited. I already started changing our address and packing. The countdown is on!

Thursday night was girl's night at the K (Royal's). We had a good group and it was a lot of fun. Here's a picture. It is going to be so weird to live away. These girls have been my "girls" since I was 20 years old. 10 years! I know I'll only be 2 hours away and I'll come back for all the fun stuff but it's weird. I'm excited to meet new friends and start our lives in Ashland but oh how bitter sweet it is to leave.

That's it for now. Just wanted to post a quick update. I am going to be super busy in the upcoming days. Only 4 full days to pack the rest of the house up. I've been packing the last 7 months on and off. Now it's time to wrap up and be done! I don't look forward to the actual moving part but the end result is going to be AWESOME. My family will finally be back together again. Oh I got so sad last night. I was doing laundry and Isabella found one of Joe's undershirts that needed to be washed. She put it on and started crying saying that it smelled like her daddy and she misses him so much. It broke my heart. I've never seen her just start crying like that so out of the blue. She slept in his shirt last night and she still has it on today. She won't take it off. It's pretty sweet!

Life goes on

So we're back to square one with no buyers in sight. We lowered our price another $5000 today to see if that will generate any interest. Joe went and picked up an application for a rental house in Ashland yesterday and turned it in. I feel like the biggest loser but you have to say enough is enough eventually. We can't live in two different cities forever. If we get the rental house we are moving in August 1st. It's a small light at the end of the tunnel that perhaps this seperateness is coming to a close but it's hard to just up and abandon my home. We'll just pay for two places until we can't do it anymore. Then? Who knows. We've got the home priced to where we'll probably owe money at closing which is so awful. What kind of country do we live in that the "American Dream" is so out of reach that I'm losing money on my home that I've owned for 5 years? We live in a capatalistic country with a bunch of rich, greedy old oil men running things. I'm sick of it! Joe and I have worked so hard since we've been married to eliminate our debt. We don't have nice things, we don't go on vacations. We just exist. We provide our children with the things they "need" without overwhelming them and spoiling them. We don't have a single credit card. If we don't have the money for it, we don't buy it. How many families can say that they don't own a single credit card? WE DON'T! We pay cash for EVERYTHING! We have one car payment. It just makes me sick that as responsible as we are; we are facing foreclosure. Our country is MESSED UP! I'm just sick about everything. Never in my wildest dreams did I envision this. But life goes on. I am so numb to everything. I can't cry anymore about it. I've cried so much that I'm all cried out. There's no more tears left. I pray we'll get this rental house and we can move. We just have to start our lives over there and move on. We'll deal with our house here when we have to. Luckily the rental house is CHEAP so maybe we can swing paying for both places. So that's it from me. That's where I'm at! Our country has to make a change. Things are getting out of control!

One day I'm up the next I'm down

Well, where's there's good news, there's also bad news. Wednesday was supposed to be a very exciting day with signing contracts and getting one step closer to reuniting our family again. We get a call on Wed.from our buyers saying their bank is no longer funding loans at this time and they will not be able to obtain a loan. They said they immediately got on the phone and started shopping around for a new bank to help them obtain a loan. They had some meeting last night with the bank they chose. Well, it's 1:23 pm the next day and we still haven't heard anything from them and Joe's even called them and left a message. I am numb. I don't know what we are going to do. That was our last chance to get our house sold and move in time for Isabella to go to preschool. I physically, mentally and emotionally can't go on like this anymore but what choice do I have. What can I do? I've done everything in my power to make this work and I failed. I cry every day. My kids see me so unhappy. I can't even remember what it feels like to be truely happy anymore. My world is crashing down around me. I feel exactly like I did when both Joe and I got laid off in the same day; helpless! I'm going to lose everything. We've worked so hard the past 6 years to get where we are. We have perfect credit. I've never paid one bill late in my entire life and here I am thinking about foreclosing on my house. I've given it 7 months and I can't get this house sold. I'm not trying to be greedy. I will live in a shack so that I can reunite my family again. I don't understand what I did to deserve this. I'm a good person. I follow the rules. I don't have nice things, I don't buy anything for myself. I'm not irresponsible. I do the right thing. I've prayed to God so much in the past 7 months. I don't understand why He is letting me down when I need him the most. I know it's not my place to question God and why He leads us down the path we go but I don't get it. For the past 7 months I've done nothing but put my faith in Him that he would get us through this in time and it looks like we lost. We lost the fight. I'm not a selfish person anymore. I only want my kids to have a good life and I can't get them that. I only wanted Isabella to go to school next year; give her a good life. My kids are not being raised right. How healthy can it be for them to see their mother crying every day. I can't even pretend to be happy anymore. I'm just numb. I just get through the day somehow. I'm sick to my stomach right now just thinking about the next step. What are we going to do? No one has the answer. No one. And no one gets it. No one gets that I'm trying to raise two children and this is affecting them. This affects all of us. As awful as it sounds, I think everything would just be easier if I weren't here but that would be the ultimate in giving up. But the world has given up on me so who cares if I give up on the world? It doesn't seen irrational to want my family to be back together again. I got married and had children for a reason, didn't I? It wasn't so that my husband could live in one city and I could raise my children bymyself in another. I'm more depressed than I have ever been in my entire life and there's nothing I can do to make it better. This is out of my hands and beyond my control. And I'm so sick and tired of everone's advice. "Chin up." "Keep your head up." "You are so strong." "You are such a trooper." "I couldn't do it." "Smile." "It will happen soon." "Your house will sell soon." "I would hate for you to lose everthing." "You can't foreclose just so Isabella can go to school." I mean are you serious!?! WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!? Seriously!

Longest without a post!

Wow...a whole week went by! That's the longest I've gone so far without a post but I've been pretty busy. Joe had a long 4 days off which means he was here for 5 nights and 4 days. We kept busy but relaxed at the same time.

We have buyers on our house! They came over on Sunday and presented us with an offer. We countered their offer and they called yesterday verbally accepting our offer. Our attorney is drawing up the contracts as we speak and we will hopefully meet tomorrow to sign them. Both parties are looking for a fast close so we're thinking second week in August but maybe before. The sooner the better for everyone! I'm just still really nervous and stressed. We still have to go through appraisal and inspection. And although everything should be fine with the house, we know this house inside and out, you just never know what might show up. And then everything with their funding has to pan out....just a lot of things have to go right in order for closing to take place. We've been through this before! But this time we have no more time. This is it. It is now or never. So I'm praying and keeping everything crossed that everything will fall into place where it should. Joe is looking this evening at a potential house in Ashland. We have to buy a house that quickly too and there isn't a whole lot to choose from. Everyone is moving to Ashland! But honostly, I don't care. I'll live anywhere, just so I can get my family back together and my daughter in pre-school. So, it may not be my "dreamhouse" but that's okay. One day I'll have my dreamhouse. Good things come to those who wait.

Had a blast with my girlfriends over the weekend. We all met at Terri's and had a great time catching up. It's a running joke that all we ever talk about when we are together is our husbands, babies and birthcontrol! It is so nice to be with my girls though. I will really miss that but I know I'll make some great friends in Ashland. Saturday night we went over to the Williams' house to hang out and let the kids play. We also had a lot of fun. Jared and Joe got to catch up, all the kids got to play and Kristin and I could gab together. Jared busted out some old home videos of all of us "pre-kid" days and we had a laugh. We had some good times back in the day. The only thing that made me really sad was the fact that in every video, Kristin and I were always together. Sitting together, talking together, laughing together. We were best friends! We lived in the same apartment complex! Things just really changed between us over the years and although we are still really great friends, it's just not the same. And I guess that happens. You get busy and grow apart. I'm not as close with any of my friends as we were before we all had kids because we can't be. We all have kids! But it was funny to see us 6 years ago. Here's an old pic from Jen and Jim's wedding...random but fun.

Well, that's all for now. Keeping everything crossed that this will work out for everyone. I know the buyers want it to just as bad. Bye for now!

Rainy Tuesday

One more day till Joe's back! Yay! This week's been fine though. Somehow we've managed to stay busy. It is rainy today so that means no outside play time. We did go to the library yesterday so we all have some books to read. That helps! Not much to report.

The buyers called Joe Sunday night and said they were prepared to present an offer and we should be getting via email sometime this week. Then they called Joe yesterday and said they weren't sure if they were going to use their realtor or not but they would be in touch once they decided. We haven't heard anything yet. I'm getting anxious..the clock is ticking.

I put together a girl's night In for Friday night. That's always fun. Terri offered to host and there will be a good group of us. Always love my nights with my girls. They rock!

Really don't have much else to say. It's been business as usually this week. Just keeping everything crossed and prayers said that these buyers and us can make this deal work out for everyone.

I have to post a pic because I said I would every post so here's an oldie but goodie from highschool. Old pictures crack me up. If I had a scanner I could really bust out the oldies but here's one Megan gave us at the reunion last year. Hilarious CD she put together. Prom 1997.

A few days lost

I didn't write for a few days but that's okay. I'll recap. At least I'm sticking to writing for the most part. That's saying something. I think it says that I am lonely but that's okay too...I am! We ended up making plans for the 4th...thank God. Joe's mom called us that morning and asked what we had going on. She was free and so were we so we made a day and night of it. It was fun. It did make me sad, however, that none of my friends invited the kids and I to do anything. I know Liv had her party but when the invite said they have a babysitter and when the kids are away so the adults want to play, I gather they don't want kids there. And the 4th is one of my favorite holidays and I want to spend it with my chilren. Watching their faces light up at the sight of the fireworks is priceless to me. Barrett didn't remember the 4th last year since he was only like 7 months old so this was the first time he really "watched" fireworks. He was hilarious. He'd say "wow" and "cool" and put his arms out towards them like he could catch them. It really was sweet. And Isabella LOVED it. She asked all day if it was time yet. She was like a kid waiting for Santa she wanted to see those fireworks so bad. She really enjoyed them too. It was a great day. We ate a lot, we went swimming, we drank wine and beer and we stayed up late. It was fun. Jennifer is great company and the kids love their Nana J so much. We ended up staying the night. Barrett was so tired after the fireworks. Then we spent the whole day yesterday with Jennifer as well. Then we had to get home to clean before we showed the house again.

The couple came over with their realtor and stayed for 30 min or so. Everyone still seemed to like the house and they said they would be in touch. I guess we'll see. If I don't hear from them by tomorrow we'll call and see if we can't get them to make us an offer. They have to! We have to sell this house NOW. We don't have any other prospects. No one else is calling and no one else is interested. We have to move in August.

Today is Sunday and we have nothing planned. Joe doesn't get home until Wed.night so I've got a long week ahead. Sucks! Today will be devoted to laundry, dishes, and grocery shopping. FUN! Well, that's it. I don't need to bore with all the mundane stuff of every day life. I am going to add a picture every time I post..just to liven it up a bit. So here's a picture for viewing pleasure; Nana J and her grandkids running through the sprinklers. Summer fun!

Watch out, I'm on a roll

I gave myself a big hug today for continuing my blog AND Joe's in town! I haven't shared my blog with anyone yet and I'm not really sure if I will. I have never shared my journal with anyone, that would be weird so I"m not sure if I will share this blog or not. We'll see.

Anyways, like I said, Joe's in town today and it's nice to have him here. Just doing the little things like taking the kids to the park, the library and going to the grocery store are more fun when's he is doing them with us. That's what we've done so far today. Even my tuna fish sandwich tastes better when he's here =) Silly, I know, but it is so true.

Last night was interesting. After dinner, we were all laying around, flipping through the TV channels, bored, when a bad storm came through Blue Springs. Wouldn't you know, we lost power but it was fun. We lit candles, found the flashlight and even dug out the weather radio, that I swear is older than Joe. We just sat around in the dark and listened to it rain and watched the lightning. The kids had fun playing with the flashlight and we just laughed and talked. The power didn't come on for like two hours later. By that time, Barrett had been put to bed and I busted out the laptop to watch a movie. Flashlight fun only lasted about an hour and a half. But it was an interesting way to spend the night. Glad Joe was in town because I would have gone crazy bymyself not to mention be a little scared.

So I had a weird dream last night that I was very pregnant. I don't know if it is because I know so many pregnant people right now or what but it's been on my mind all day today. It was such a realistic dream. I was like really showing and I could feel being pregnant in my dream, it was odd. I don't think it is any kind of subliminal message or anything. I'm really happy with my two children and don't want to have anymore but I didn't hate being pregnant in my dream. But it was just that, a dream. I guess I could word that differently and say it was a nightmare but that would be a lie. It was just....well....it was just what it was.

So tomorrow is fourth of July and for the first time EVER than I can remember, I have absolutely nothing planned. It feelsl really really weird. Joe has to go back to Columbia in the morning and no one has invited us to do anything. Olivia is having a party but her kids aren't going to be there and I will obviously have my two with me. Joe's mom hasn't even mentioned getting together which means she must have plans with her boyfriend or friend. I kind of feel like a big loser for not having anything to do. So we are celebrating with Joe tonight though. We are going to grill out hamburgers and drink some beers. I love the 4th, it's one of my favorite holidays so we had to celebrate it somehow. We did go to a BBQ at the Greimann's Sat. night though for an early celebration. Here's a picture. Joe and the kids went with us too. It was fun. I love being with my girlfriends. The night is never long enough when we are all together. There's always so much catching up to do. I swear, the older we get, the more we have to talk about. I remember this same group, in our younger years, like 10 years ago. Maybe it was because we saw each other like every other day, we didn't have as much to talk about. Now when we get together, you can't get any of us to shut up. Girl's nights aren't about meeting guys, for most of us, they are about catching up on each other's lives. Each of us has something in our lives that we are going through whether we are just dating, just getting married, thinking about starting a family, having our third baby, moving, etc. Life is just more complicated now than it was in our early 20's. But I'm glad my friends and I have been through everything together. That's friendship. I only pray God will bless me with more amazing women to met when I finally move to Ashland.

Well, better go see if I can make some plans for the 4th. I feel like such a dork! It's all good though. I guess if worse comes to worse, I'll just take the kids to watch fireworks somewhere. Our city is one of the last city in the metro that still lets you shoot off fireworks anywhere. My street turns into a war zone but Isabella LOVES it. Barrett not so much so we'll see.

Day 2-I am proud of myself

First of all, let me just say I am super proud of myself for actually getting back online and continuing my blog. I thought about it this morning and thought I should just delete it again but no, here I am writing more. So yay for me!

Not much going on today. Joe will be home tonight for dinner and will be here for a day or so. That makes me happy. I hate being away from him this long. I miss my husband; how sad is that? It makes me understand more how military wives feel. At least my husband is only 1 hour and 45 minutes or so away and he comes home on his days off AND he's not fighting in a war. And then I have my days where I feel like a single mom of two but I don't work, I stay at home all day. So I have respect for single moms too, although I am also jealous because most single moms get to go to work. I miss working. I wish I had a job. I can't wait to be employed again. I miss the social aspect of having a job and the sense of responsibility. Granted I have a huge responsibility to my children but the social aspect just isn't there. As much as Isabella and I converse during the day, you know it just isn't the same as some good 'ol office gossip!

On another note. I've been thinking about my 30th birthday a lot lately. It is so weird to me that I will be 30 in a couple of months. I still feel like a teenager. Hanging out with my 15 year old niece, Hannah, last week really made me feel weird. Here's why. I see her and I think, we have a lot in common. She is cute and fun and young. Then I stop and realize I am 15 years older than her! OMG...she probably thinks I'm like this old lady. So it's weird. I don't feel 30. I still feel really really young. So that's been on my mind a lot lately.

First Day

My first blog. I started one on this site months ago and gave up but this time I'm going to stick to it. I write in a journal as much as I can remember to so I might as well post online and add pictures. I'm such a photo freak that I might as well combine writing with pictures. And with Joe gone the majority of the time, I have the time. Let's see what I can do with this. Bear with me, I'm new to this!

So I guess here's a quick update on what's going on with me. It is July 1st 2008. I can NOT believe it is already July. I've been counting the months so closely since Joe moved to Columbia January 2 of this year. The rest of the family and I are trying to move there as well but we can not sell our house. It has been the toughest thing I have ever had to do. When it was listed with a realtor we showed it 60 times. We had one offer. After firing her and listing it forsalebyowner we've shown it quite a bit and had a contract after the first week. I will never list a home with a realtor again. Unfortunately, however, the contract fell through since the couple couldn't get their funding in order. So we're back to square one and on to month 7 of trying to sell. We've got a couple coming on Sat. for the second time so hopefully something good will come of it. It's got to. We just can't keep going on this way. It's not fair to Joe, to the kids or me. We all feel the effects of being apart and it's awful. Isabella got accepted to a fabulous pre-K in Ashland and I want more than anything for her to able to attend. That starts in Aug.and we obviously have to live there in order for her to go to school there so the time crunch is on. We'll see. We pray every day and night that God will send the right buyers to our house. We know we have to be patient but it is hard when it has gone on for this long.

Update on the kids. Isabella is 4 years and 4 months old. She's one smart cookie. I feel like I am talking with one of my girlfriends when we have conversations together. She helps me get through being without Joe because at least I have someone to talk to. Barrett is 19 months old and doing well. He's running all over the place, trying to keep up with his big sister. He just adores her; most of the time anyways. He is a HUGE momma's boy. But I secretly love it. He's my sweetie boy and I can't get enough kisses and hugs from him. He's just so yummy!

We just got back from a lake trip to the Ozarks and had a blast, as usual. It was Barrett's first time though and both he and Isabella had fun. All of Joe's California family were in town and we spent a long weekend together cruising the lake, coving out, fishing, eating and drinking a lot of wine! I think everyone had fun. The Ozarks can't compare to the California coast but how can you duplicate family made memories?

Well, we'll see what else I can with this blog since this is my first post. You will notice that I will get better at this each time I log in. I'm excited to get this started and post pictures.